If Elvis Costello Really Had Written the Book Every Day

(To the tune of the pop hit, and with thanks to Maud Newton for the inspiration, and possibly the whole idea)

(Musical interlude.)

Woah, oh. Oh, oh, oh …

Don’t tell me you don’t know the difference
Between action and exposition
Or that the natural guise of truth is fiction
All I wanted was to cast a waking dream
Here’s the thing: It’s not as easy as it seems

I can’t seem to leave my breakfast nook
Every day, every day, every day
Every day I write the book

Chapter One: Starting is the hardest thing to do
Chapter Two: I forgot that flashbacks are taboo
I had an epiphany in the middle of Chapter Three
But the story goes amiss in Chapters Four, Five, and Six

It’s like fishing but without a hook
Every day, every day, every day
Every day I write the book

What went wrong?
This should be easier to do
Mom was right: I should have gone to business school
The bills are piling up and my friends no longer call
It’s like I chased a home run and ran straight into the wall

It’s even worse than it looks
Every day, every day, every day
Every day I write the book

(Musical interlude, followed by piano solo, followed by tempo change)

Now I’ve changed my point of view
And recast entire scenes in dialog.
I’ve turned the flashback into a prologue.
And while I’ve been working this whole time in very close third,
I think my hero needs to speak in first person to be heard

I can’t believe how long it took
Every day, every day, every day
Every day I wrote the book